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Badass Therapists Building Practices That Thrive
145 Understanding Your Window of Tolerance: A Guide to Emotional Regulation
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Okay, how's that?
Speaker 2:Looks great, Pega.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 2:All right. Thanks for joining us everybody. Pega and I have been presenting together for a few years, off and on now, and we love to tag team things. My name is Angie Heath. I'm an LCSW. Both of us are actually in EMDR and have an approved consultants in EMDR. I actively run virtual EMDR consultation groups for several years now, including some newbie groups, those that have just finished basic training, those intermediate levels and also those for seasoned and certified.
Speaker 2:Pega is also in the Atlanta area, mainly works with adults. She loves working with clinicians who are interested in exploring the self of the therapist as it relates to their work with clients. She has two groups running, one with the focus on the self of this therapist and one that highlights case conceptualization and interventions with the self of the therapist lens, and both of these groups can count towards group supervision hours for your MDREA. So Pega and I have teamed up ever since we were part of Dini Laliotis' Center for Excellence in EMDR Therapy and we have been giving presentations and consultation together on trauma-related topics. Our topic today is window of tolerance.
Speaker 2:um, you can go into the next one, pega get good at this, probably towards the end so today our goal is to give you a nice review of the window of tolerance, how our nervous system talks to us, strategies for people that have a small window of tolerance and clues for clients in which zone that they're in. So the window of tolerance was developed by Dan Siegel. He was the first one to reference the window of tolerance. Now you guys, everyone knows has heard about it. It starts with the, the optimal zone. I'll start describing the optimal zone first. Um it, that's supposed to be our best state of arousal, in which we're able to function and thrive in daily life. Our capacity to learn and engage with others and ourselves is at its best when we operate from this, that zone, that window, the optimal zone of arousal, or also it might be called the range of resilience, is eventual vagal or social engagement response. That's the just the right zone, and and good vagal health is associated with digest, digestion, sleep, engagement, being able to think clearly, learn, be creative and also even helps with our immune system. So I'll go into the other zones. In just a second you can go to the next one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we all know that the window of tolerance is impacted by trauma. Each of us have our own unique range of tolerance. Our window of tolerance is to some degree defined by our inborn temperament and natural level of physiological reactivity. The window of tolerance can narrow due to factors such as significant childhood experiences, neurobiological factors, the types of social relationships and coping skills. We always want to remember that the window of tolerance is not a fixed state and is below our conscious awareness, and we can move up and down the autonomic ladder in response to daily life and different stressors. But it is common for people that have experienced pretty significant, significant trauma to alternate between the two extremes or even can get rather stuck on in one or the other. And remember complex trauma is typically more developmental trauma, more developmental trauma, some of those major attachment figures, relational trauma, and it's more than just a few situational trauma incidences Practically all of us have had. You know we all have had trauma somewhere in our lives. But this is a case when people have been chronically in an overwhelmed state. Our ability to regulate our physiological arousal is eventually compromised and so that's a big impact on our window. It takes less to be outside of the window with high reactivity and we're more easily dysregulated. So we want our patients or our clients to continue to work with us and see that their window of tolerance widens, and we try to help them to learn skills and manage emotional overwhelm, their anger or their panic, and reduce the likelihood of dissociation and disconnection. So with chronic or severe trauma, we can have a narrowing of the window of tolerance, can have a narrowing of the window of tolerance.
Speaker 2:Triggers can lead to becoming dysregulated and landing outside of the window of tolerance on a regular basis. Trauma survivors can learn to turn away meaning like they're going down into hypo and tune out their autonomic defenses in order to function. The problem is that the turning away which we all unconsciously do when we get stuck in overwhelm is a strategy that expands over time. That turning away expands over time and so we get used to that response more and more and it becomes habituated. And then there's a strong phobia of feeling and and probably all of you clinicians have experienced that, when somebody really just can't um name feelings, can't feel feelings, that's pretty blocked from them. So the chronic narrowing results in the window becoming stuck and not able to move flexibly. Okay, thank you.
Speaker 2:Hyperarousal results from the fight or flight response and is characterized by excessive activation and energy. This state is mediated by the sympathetic nervous system which is preparing the body and the mind to run away or to fight off threat. Internally, a person feels energized, with racing thoughts, feeling very alert. Externally, a person can be perceived as having difficulty concentrating, irritability, anger and angry outbursts, panic, having real high anxiety, easily scared or startled, trembling and some self-destructive behavior. We also want to mention that tonic immobility or frozenness is actually part of this hyper aroused state. It may not seem like it should be the tonic immobility and that frozenness, but it actually is. An individual can seem tense, rigid in appearance, their fists clenched, jaws clenched, frozen, frozen gaze and that tonic immobility.
Speaker 2:The next stage is the hypo, hypoarousal. It occurs when the body is no longer able to tolerate the overwhelm of a hyperaroused state. So we go from hyperaroused, that superactivation, into hypo and it moves into shutting down or dissociation. This state is characterized by too little activation, with the dorsal vagal immobilization response, and it brings in that feel, it um, that survival, and that makes sense to us when you think about it, that if your fight or flight is not possible, then collapsing and numbing and passivity may be the most effective survival strategy afforded to somebody. And when we think about somebody that has been chronically abused. As a child they were trapped, they were stuck, they didn't have the strength, and so that's when some of those experiences can lead to people having more dissociative or disconnection. Internally, with the hypoarousal, the individual feels exhausted, depressed, numb, foggy and disconnected. Externally, they may have shallow breathing or holding their breath. They may be kind of glassy-eyed or unfocused in their stare, slumped posture, speaking slowly or monotone, or just lacking the ability to respond verbally or movement. I call it kind of being pretty trancy. They can get in a trancy mode, good. So we also want to make sure to emphasize about how to widen the window, and Peg is going to be going into a lot of techniques and strategies for that, but overall we want to widen the window, which it's kind of like trying to have trying to stretch a rubber band, and we want to keep on doing it over and over, to keep on having that rubber band or that window get wider and wider.
Speaker 2:Healing involves developing the capacity to stay within the window of tolerance. We are cultivating mindfulness of the different fluctuations in our sensations and thoughts and emotions. So we're asking people to track things like where do you think you're in right now? We're just trying to ask them to check in. Where do you think you are at in that window right now. You start to increase the awareness of the subtle signs of dysregulation and help them and show them they can engage in self-care resources before they get into some of the overwhelmed or shut down.
Speaker 2:I always like it with some of my clients when, um, when they're just able to track things and they're starting to recognize that they're moving to some of the edges or moving outside, that if they'll say you know, angie, I just I need to look around the room right now, or I just need to name some objects, or can we just toss, you know, the kush ball, um that I usually have readily available in my office. So learning what your window of tolerance feels like and how to maintain staying within that space can help promote healing from past traumatic experiences so that people can safely have emotions. Now they can feel safe enough to feel those emotions, they can tolerate those emotions. So we do that by helping them experience going back to ventral, going back to that optimal zone over and over. Our window of tolerance is malleable. There are many ways to practice widening it, but the first step is to become aware of it.
Speaker 2:So when you're in your window of tolerance, you're able to be in a state of mindfulness and present, you're able to learn, work, play and connect with ourselves and those around us. So we want people to connect, so we can learn. We can help clients learn to turn towards our autonomic defenses, our memories and our negative relational experiences, but this time without overwhelm and going back to ventral. Vagal, like I said over and over, builds those pathways and helps shift an overactive autonomic nervous system. So, just as a review here we've got the hyper arousal.
Speaker 2:So, just as a review, here we've got the hyper arousal that's when we have reduced rational thinking, impulsivity, maybe some poor behavior control, and then that fight mode, easily distressed, racing thoughts, restlessness we might see where it feels like people are in that panic mode, the optimal zone where we are able to think clearly, we're connected to our body and our emotions, we're fully present, we're able to think and feel at the same time. And the hypo arousal that's when we're seeing more of the low, the low affect, depressed, lethargic, numb, shut down, having more absence. I'm just, I just can't think. I can't think or I can't focus. Yeah, you're doing the next piece, pega.
Speaker 1:Yes, I am, thank you. Thank you, thanks, angie. All right, so thank you, angie. So hopefully some of this stuff may be familiar to some folks. We wanted to make sure to go into enough detail, in case this is brand new to you, to get a sense of where the window of tolerance comes from and why it's important to really get a sense of where people are, because they'll end up in your office, you'll see this in them and it's really helpful, like we said, to be able to understand it, put words to it, describe it to clients. This is it. Put words to it, describe it to clients. This is the beginnings of working with it. Practically Some of the stuff that I'm going to say have been Angie's. Already said them, but it's worth repeating.
Speaker 1:So why is it important in psychotherapy to have a client manage their window of tolerance? So typically, especially if you're working with folks who have a trauma history, like we said, their window of tolerance can be very narrow and it can become stuck where people have learned to adapt, to go from hyperarousal to hypo, and then that just becomes their new normal, unfortunately, and they can become pretty dysregulated quickly. They're unable to focus in treatment and more likely to avoid therapy. So that's one reason why someone might suddenly start to miss sessions or, to quote, forget. It may be that you might have to have a conversation with them about what is it like to be in the room with me, and so we'll kind of bring that back up again. And so, as a therapist, your tendency might be to and we've all done this right. So considering a client could be considered resistant, or they're just not listening, or you have these great things you want to offer them, but they're not available for it. Keep in mind that one of the reasons why we would want to help people widen their window of tolerance is that they can actually stay present with you in the therapy room so that they can absorb the things that you're telling them.
Speaker 1:Sometimes clients may feel like they're not doing things doing therapy right. They're not getting it. Again, it's not so much that they aren't, it's that their nervous system hasn't really been addressed um and really focused on in this way for them to feel like they're able to absorb the material in a new and more effective way. So in the trauma world, which is where Angie and I do our work, again, the very narrow window of tolerance translates to being ungrounded, which means that patients are not going to have the capacity to process difficult memories. This is why we work on it in our space, because we're processing memories with people utilizing EMDR, and anyone who jumps into EMDR without assessing for the window of tolerance first, they're going to likely not see success. Client is going to start to feel like I'm doing something wrong, I'm not getting therapy right, and it really doesn't help with the rapport in the room. So, all in all, this is foundational.
Speaker 1:So a couple of things to keep in mind. You want to be able to practice the tools we're going to give you while you are in the optimal zone. So I say we're using the word you a lot because we as clinicians, we have to be able to know where we are in our own window of tolerance. We may become overwhelmed, we may become dissociated. So anything that we talk about today, I would highly recommend trying it out on yourself first, if you haven't already. But so the exposure really is for you to start first.
Speaker 1:And we do talk a lot about, especially with the self of the therapist piece where are you in your window? Sometimes you're mirroring your clients and sometimes you yourself can become triggered by your clients and go outside of your window. So keeping that in mind, triggered by your clients, and go outside of your window. So keeping that in mind, of note, the therapist and therapy itself may become associated with danger, like I said, due to the content of the therapy. So if my client says, well, I don't want to come to you because every time I come to you we talk about difficult things, right? So then I can't tell you how many times some of my clients say just driving here I started to feel my heart racing, right? So helping them to manage their window and get back into their window even before they come into the room is important. They may become nervous coming to therapy and suddenly experiencing a shutdown. If you remember, this is why we sort of showed you that graph twice, that red sort of movement that you saw. The line, the squiggly line, is the experience of the client, so how they can go outside the window and become hyper and then hypo.
Speaker 1:One of the folks that taught me a lot about the window of tolerance is an approved consultant, craig Penner. He talks about the most powerful work that you can do is really at the edges of the window of tolerance, where there is both activation and resilience. So the client is about to leave their window and they can tolerate presence enough to be able to recognize oh, this is what's happening to me. So those are the moments where you want to really catch them with clients. So keep that in mind, that it's really at the edges of the window that you might be doing your best work, because the client will get it.
Speaker 1:Oh, this is what happens to me when I become overwhelmed, and then I'm overwhelmed and I can't think straight, my heart races, and then I go into shutdown and now I can't remember anything. So let's kind of keep going. So that's why you do it. So this is worth repeating no matter how helpful you think you're being, if the patient is not grounded or inside of their window of tolerance, the patient will be unable to retain any information or integrate any new insights from processing. So keep that in mind when you're doing the thing, like the kush ball, asking them to look around, ground themselves, notice what's going on in their body, you really are doing good clinical work, so don't try to skip over that. That is the work. All right, I am having a hard time with this, but I'm getting there, okay.
Speaker 1:So, sensitive, okay. So from this point on, what we really want to do is just give you something you can take home with you. You can, you know, print out these purple pages, have them around just as a reminder of things you can utilize in the room with the client. Ground immediately, and often so when you start to notice that the person is becoming hyper and leaving their window or hypo and leaving their window pause. Check in with them, utilize your voice. Your voice can be really helpful in helping them to ground, to remember where they are, who you are and even the words you're safe now. I use it often when I'm doing reprocessing with clients. If they're in the past and you know, in EMDR we talk about having one foot in the present. That's what this is. Having one foot in the present, even when you're reprocessing the past, so you're safe now is an actual fact. Use that to help them ground so and orienting to the present moment, teaching them to do the same, focusing on the here and now. What year is it, what month is it? What day is it? So you might have been practicing that all the way at the beginning of your training, and here it is again, so kind of the mini mental status, but right there in the room, so kind of the mini mental status, but right there in the room, asking them, not being afraid to say how old are you, where are you? The more you do, the more they will internalize your voice and they'll start to ask themselves that very same question.
Speaker 1:Anchoring people. So the one is to orient them to the present and then anchor them to the present. Orient them is where are you? I'm here, I'm here with you, I'm here now. Anchoring them is really helping them really get a sense of their entire body is here in this present moment. That's why we use that 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, using the five senses. If you've never done it before, maybe take a moment and try it now. So it's a great way to remember.
Speaker 1:Uh, to help a person ground and use a using this nice little infographic on the right side. Here you can see um kind of go around in a circle what do you see? What do you smell? What do you taste? What do you touch? What do you hear? Usually the five. What do you taste? What do you touch? What do you hear? Usually the five, four, three, two, one. It's easier to say what do you see, five things typically stick to things like shapes and colors. So give me five colors, five shapes in the room, just whatever they notice, tell them not to think too hard and just go with it. And then maybe four things they hear, hang on one second Pega yes, yes, Can everybody see the slides?
Speaker 5:or did they go away? Oh no, I can see them.
Speaker 3:I can see them.
Speaker 4:I can see them yeah.
Speaker 5:Yeah, there's two tabs at the top, so one says meeting and one says Pegas screen. Make sure you're on the one that says Pegas screen.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 5:Hopefully that helps.
Speaker 1:Sorry to interrupt, oh, no problem, I'm glad you caught it. Okay, so great, let's ground. So notice five things. You see, just name colors for yourself in this moment. Bring yourself back into this present moment, listening to my voice. Maybe notice four things you might hear. Maybe not if the room is quiet, but there might be some distant sounds, traffic, the clock, someone's breathing, my voice. Maybe three things you can touch.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I'll just say touch your shirt, feel your shirt, notice what you're sensing, notice the texture of your pants. I like this this is what my mentor would say kind of go vertically first and then go horizontally and notice what you sense. So really bring that into the room. And then two things you smell. You'll hear me say this again and again, but I've got essential oils in every room office that I have every room. I hand it over to them, I have them. Smell it, but even the smell the back of your hand. Then maybe smell your shirt, notice the difference, really getting into those subtleties. And then one thing you taste. Maybe they just say coffee, if it's the morning, or have a piece of gum, have some sour candy, have it available so they can really ground and get into the moment candy, have it available so they can really ground and get into the moment. This I really appreciated from my research really using your own hand to rub out your joints, so noticing the sensation, it kind of feels nice anyway, but it really helps with proprioceptive awareness. So what's around me and how am I engaging with my environment? Where are my hands right now? Where's my body? What's the positioning of my body and the joints? Rubbing out your joints helps you to get real clear with what's in this present moment. Okay, let me not. There we go. All right, here we go. So then we kind of wanted to separate it out a little bit hyper versus hypo arousal there's my cute little infographic on essential oils and always, always, always breathe. So those are the two things to remember.
Speaker 1:You know, kind of the sense of smell, bringing that into the room and the breath, bringing that into the room and the breath, but using yourself to help a person ground, trying to make eye contact with the client. I know eye contact, especially when a person is overwhelmed, can feel overwhelming to the client. Sometimes folks can experience that as a little bit aggressive, especially if they're having trauma memories. So be you know, be gentle with them and get to know your clients. But if they can make eye contact it's helpful because they can really remember where am I right now, who am I, especially if they associate you with kindness, gentleness, your voice, if it tends to be gentle, it can really help them ground using strong sensations.
Speaker 1:So holding a piece of ice, if you know about you know doing some work in with marcia lenehan's dbt. She's got a lot of this stuff. There's a lot of overlap here with grounding ice cube if that's not available again, like I said, maybe a mint, something sour smelling an essential oil peppint, eucalyptus, lemon. A couple of my clients feel very overwhelmed with sensations and say, okay, that's too overwhelming to my system and others absolutely love it. So you really just get to know them, helping them to take some deep, slower breaths, deeper, filling all the way into their lungs, holding for a moment, really feeling the expansion in their rib cage and their abdomen and then slow breath out, trying to see if you can make the exhale longer than the inhale. I love this strategy that I learned from Ariel Schwartz. She kind of has given me a lot to work with.
Speaker 1:So I you know I have her in the references section but pressing your two feet into the ground. If you happen to be able to do that now notice pushing your two feet into the ground or against a wall and really engaging your muscles. Ground or against a wall and really engaging your muscles, so that's really helpful too. Again, with proprioception, noticing yourself in time and space, and then pairing that with an exhale. So exhaling while you push into the ground can be helpful With tonic immobility that Angie brought up.
Speaker 1:When they feel really frozen or stuck, they have control and that they have the capacity to work with their nervous system. Another thing I really enjoy is encouraging to them to just shake, shake and release, release what's been held in their nervous system for a very long time. Again, it reminds them I'm present, I'm here, I'm safe now and I have control, I have the capacity to do something different. So there's that. Let's see. Oh, come on, all right, here we go. I have to be really gentle. Here we go, like with clients, um, otherwise the system gets overwhelmed. So hypo arousal.
Speaker 1:So when hypo arousal kicks in, this is a time where you really want them to get grounded into the room, that you can ask them to move their muscles again, stretch, stand up, walk around. Slowly and gently, they might feel a little dizzy because they've been in hypo. They might feel like even everything feels blurry. So you might want to really ask them to be gentle, ask them to look around the room stretch, and one of the things I really like is having them notice the edge of a picture frame and ask them, especially if you're, you know, virtual, just sort of say, notice the edges of your computer or laptop, whatever they're looking at you on, is it blurry? And if it is blurry, see if you can focus in until it's no longer blurry, until it becomes crystal clear Again, internalizing some of the power and the capacity that they have. A couple of things that I wanted to mention about the hyper or the hypo is helping them and we'll talk a little bit about this actually to create whatever you create with them in their room.
Speaker 1:Make a list of it with them so that they have that to take with them outside of the room and use that Kind of like I said use these purple sheets for yourself, create something with them some of the room and use that Kind of like I said use these purple sheets for yourself, create something with them, some of the things they really like or the things that they go to. I'll say to my client all right, we know what smells feel good to you. Go to the store, go to the Whole Foods, go to the CVS there are essential oils everywhere these days. Grab a bottle for yourself, put it in your bag. If you know that certain textures feel good, go out and grab that and put it in your bag. Have it available to you. All right, here we go, and okay so here's the outside of sessions, some things to.
Speaker 1:In addition to maybe creating a little go-to bag or box where they can put in the things, the textures that feel good, the smells that feel good, the tastes, like having gum or candy available, we wanted to offer excuse me, excuse me a couple of what's now being termed it's kind of a cool word vagal toning comes up in polyvagal theory Again. Ariel Schwartz, one of my favorites, who talks about this. She uses this a lot, the concept of vagal toning and the reason I like it is because people tend to say, all right, I got to go to the gym and, you know, lift my weights or go for a jog or, you know, maintain my health. Well, vagal toning is a way for them to maintain their vagus nerve, maintain their optimal zone of arousal, so you can kind of bring it into their daily self-care. And I'm just going to see if I can show you a video or, let's see, I'm going to show you.
Speaker 1:If you don't know what the butterfly hug is, I'm just going to ask you to go ahead to YouTube and look it up. Here you see this image we have on the side, where this image is holding, if you can see me, is this really squeezing the arms and tapping. This is the version of the butterfly hug that I've found online. But to be true to our EMDR world, where the butterfly hug comes from, we also like to say put your two fingers, two hands. Actually, this talk about proprioception. It's very hard to do hands facing your face If you're, if you're able to do it now, and then hook your thumbs. So that takes a lot of mental energy to figure out how to bring your hands in your face, hook your thumbs and then bring them right underneath your collarbone and then tap left right. It's quite a soothing experience for people. We use it for soothing, we use it for resourcing, strengthening, but it has a real soothing effect. So if we do have time, I'll show you the silencing the alarm. If we don't, because I know we're kind of short on time today silencing the alarm is another one that comes from Robin Shapiro. She has done massive work for our field, for the field of EMDR, for ego state therapy, and I'll show it to you. But again, you can go online and find it.
Speaker 1:Basically, you're going to again talk about proprioception. You're going to take your left hand, bring it to your right eyebrow and then you're going to take your right hand and bring it to your left eyebrow and then you're going to slowly trace through the back of your ear, very, very slowly, as you breathe down your neck, keep breathing in and out through your shoulder, right down towards your elbow and out through your hands. And then one other person called it or like releasing the yuck or removing the yuck. So I really like that when you're feeling overwhelmed, you're feeling those overwhelming feelings, taking that and doing that about 10 times, actually really slowly breathing and helping the person move the yuck out of their system. So more vagal toning exercises are listed here. You can do some twisting and moving and utilizing your five senses.
Speaker 1:One of the things about EMDR that's in the title is eye movement. In the title is eye movement. So in when it comes to vagal toning, you really want to ask the person to move their eyes from the white end of the left side of like the kind of the white end of their eye I forget what that's called, not the pupil but the other stuff all the way to the other white of their eye. So noticing that the white come out of my eyeballs kind of strange, but yeah, so all the way to the left and all the way to the right, and then you also add on gentle twists to the left and right. And here this last one is lying down with your hands interlaced on your back and then again moving your eyes from left to right, slowly, noticing yawning. One thing that was so interesting about this one is that you're actually resetting your vagal, your nervous system, your vagus nerve, drinking a sip of water, noticing it, hydrating yourself, so really helping them to connect with their body. And let's see where are we.
Speaker 1:Here we go, signs that a client is grounded. They're back in their window, their breathing is smooth and regulated. They may start to make eye contact with you more readily, if they typically do. They're engaging in conversations more and they're able to say that they are grounded. So don't be afraid to ask them from zero to 100, how grounded do you feel in this moment?
Speaker 1:Typically they can tell. Sometimes they'll say, oh, I don't know what the right answer is, and of course there is no right or wrong, it's just their subjective experience. But you can compare. If they're at a 50 or a 60, try to implement some of these tools and typically they can move up 70, 80, 85. That's a pretty good difference. And so here's the reference page and just a little bit about Angie and me, in case you all want to get in touch with us. If you're. You know I think we can talk EMDR all day and talk trauma all day, so we've got a lot of resources for you and just wanted to say thank you for spending the evening with us and we've enjoyed speaking with you about this really important and really exciting topic. I'm not sure if there is time for questions but we still have a few minutes.
Speaker 5:Are y'all good with me dropping the link to the PDF, to the slides in the chat for participants? Okay, awesome For those who ask.
Speaker 1:I'll do that right now and I'll stop share. Does that feel okay?
Speaker 5:Perfect.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 3:All right. Did anybody have any questions?
Speaker 5:What was the video that you referenced? The butterfly hug, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, if we do have time I can show it to you. You want me to?
Speaker 5:do that.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely yeah go ahead. All right, one second, okay, this is fun. Back to technology. One sec, let me just not. Okay, how did I Actually? I can just find it so. So the one of the videos. Well, I'm looking for this thing. Um, one of the videos is on the butterfly hug. Here we go, I found it. And the other one is on silencing the alarm. So I think the butterfly hug might happen to be shorter. So I'll just go to that page real quick. Here we go.
Speaker 5:While she's pulling it up. If you missed any portion of the presentation, it will be available to Step it Up. Members, we did record it.
Speaker 1:Go ahead. I'm sorry.
Speaker 5:No, you're good, you can play the video.
Speaker 1:Okay, I was going to say this Erica Bonham has really great resources on vagal toning so I would highly recommend her and actually some of her material under vagal toning that comes from some of the stuff she's written, so I just wanted to credit her and actually let me see here if I can do this and that.
Speaker 2:No sound here, Pega.
Speaker 1:What did you say, Angie?
Speaker 2:No sound.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I don't know how to do that piece.
Speaker 5:I may have to do it for you just because, oh gosh, I'm sorry, it's not a problem, because I have mine set up so that sound will play.
Speaker 1:Okay, you want to go ahead and do it? Yes.
Speaker 5:It's Erica.
Speaker 1:B-O-N, yeah, erica B-O-N-H-A-M and butterfly hug and I'll stop. Share if you want, I found it.
Speaker 3:People are dumping their $500 pressure washers for this $50 tool. Is that me?
Speaker 5:No, it's me.
Speaker 3:It's an ad playing.
Speaker 5:I'm trying to let it go so I can pause it. It's about a sprayer. Okay, now I'll screen share.
Speaker 3:And if you're familiar with Ian, so one of my favorite resources for resetting the nervous system is just called the butterfly hug. And if you're familiar with EMDR therapy eye movement, desensitization and reprocessing therapy this is a very common resource that we teach in EMDR and it's just crossing your arms over. You can sometimes add some compression If that feels good. You can do your butterfly hug like this, or you can just tap, or sometimes people like just tapping on either side of their heart, right, left with their fingers. So you, you get to decide what feels the best for you. So I like my shoulders and it's just tapping to. You know, your, your, I'm going to try to mirror you right, left, right, left.
Speaker 3:You can add rocking if that feels good, or you can add eye movements if that doesn't cause too much dizziness or activation. So when you're using this as a calming resource, you want it to feel good. You want it to feel soothing, not too activating. So if you're getting activated, if it's bringing up stuff, put this away and do a different resource, okay. So just taking a deep breath, just three or four taps on each side, and that can be a really great way of resetting your nervous system.
Speaker 5:Awesome, and I'm going to drop that link to that video in the chat too.
Speaker 1:I was going to say, if you want to also add the other one, what was the other one? The silencing, the alarm. That's right under um. I can actually let me see here. I can add it, if you'd like, to the chat. Okay, at least you'll have it Okay.
Speaker 2:Okay, that's the one with calm with Kyle. Yeah, he's got a lot of great YouTube videos about resetting the vagus nerve and stuff and calming with panic and all kinds of stuff did anybody have another question, or do y'all want me to go ahead and play that video?
Speaker 4:I had a question, um, I'm I am new to uh emdr and so one of you guys mentioned the cush ball. Can you guys go into more deeper into that and like what that is and the technique for it and why?
Speaker 2:Yeah, um sorry, I have it right here.
Speaker 2:This is my little cush ball, um, but I keep those things handy on my on my tables in my office. Sometimes in EMDR I'm using it as as the bilateral but playing catch with anything. It doesn't have to be a push ball with a pillow, with a Kleenex. Sometimes Kleenex is real good because when you crumple it up it doesn't keep its form and so it kind of keeps you on the ball a little bit. Or tossing a pencil back and forth, just anything that's soft can be tossed back and forth and it's just another way of grounding to be able to kind of be able to get access, especially if somebody is kind of moving to the edges or moving out of their optimum zone. So it's just another way of it's probably one of the quickest way I've found of being able to get people back present quickly.
Speaker 4:Thank you for that. I appreciate it Go ahead Debbie. Hi, thanks and thanks to all you guys. This is awesome. What about some more subtle signs, like they appear to be, you know, I'm thinking like a restless foot, like kind of tapping their leg, fidgeting, you know kind of that fidgeting, and just some of those more subtle sounds, signs of checking out or being overwhelmed. What are some of those signs to look that, to look out for, that are maybe a little bit more subtle?
Speaker 1:Well, what I appreciate is that you're actually able to kind of tune in and notice that with your client Right. And so sometimes it's in the collaboration between you and your client where you can figure that out together and to even say, oh, notice, you know, if you're noticing them having some kind of repetitive pattern, bring it up to them and just say notice what. That is what happens for you in that moment, and then you know again. You become a team around this. I think that's the most important thing. I know that a lot of times clients can feel like they're underneath the microscope when they, when you just point out, notice your leg, notice your arm, notice your shoulder. I try to, I try to be kind of light about it and just kind of bring some levity and lightness so that they don't feel like they're being interrogated. But a lot of times it's fascinating.
Speaker 1:One of the things you brought up the foot because sadly, people had to manage their emotions in the context of the complexity of their abuse. A lot of people tense their feet and they have no idea they're doing it until you start to bring that awareness to their body and many people say, yeah, I didn't even realize how quickly my feet get tensed and guess what? You won't notice because they have shoes on. So as you start to give them this language and really point out like, notice your shoulders, notice your arms, eventually they'll start to be able to realize, wow, my hips are tense. You know, for us we may not be able to see the subtleties, but it's good, debbie, that you brought that up, because it's really in the collaboration with your client that that helps, does that help Absolutely, thank you.
Speaker 4:Just to add to that, sometimes I've tried to notice and maybe I've said you know, what do you think your foot is holding, what do you think is, and you may have a better approach. But a lot of times I've gotten back like, oh you know, I just do that, you know, that's just the thing I do like, and kind of dismissive, like oh yeah, I know I tap my leg, no big deal, and they're not curious about it so I don't know if you have a suggestion on trying to help them get curious about that.
Speaker 2:I think that's just part of, you know, stretching the window a little bit more, of even just asking the question, helps them to kind of get a little bit mindful. And just having that awareness check in with my clients on a regular basis, like, how are we doing right now? Like, as we're discussing this, what is coming up for you? Or you know, every once in a while I'm going to just ask you, you know, is my voice starting to get a little distant? You know, how present are you in the room right now For people that tend to go down, right now, for people that tend to go down, drop down into the hypo, if they're starting to get still, that's a huge sign they're getting a little too still.
Speaker 2:Then I might just have some curiosity of, like, how is everything going? Can you just, can we just check in? Um, you know, I, I use the word trancy Are you feeling a little trancy? Um, am I starting to lose you? Um, especially in these heavy discussion points? Um, so yeah, um and um, if I, if the racing, um, the eyes start to kind of dart around or it feels like they're on the edge of some of that hypervigilance, you know, I'll say, you know, let's just do a little Q&A. Could you use a little bit of extra grounding before we continue on? So we're just asking them to do a little pausing and checking in. How are you doing?
Speaker 4:Yeah, Thank you.
Speaker 2:Thanks a lot, thank you Great questions, you guys.
Speaker 5:Anybody else have any questions? Okay, Awesome presentation. That was fantastic. I know Kate is very appreciative of that. I know everybody that attended. That was really great information because I don't think, you know, not everybody does EMDR but a lot of people do do trauma work, and so y'all really did a fantastic job of tying that in for those of us who don't do EMDR. But amazing. Grab the links out of the chat. I'll give you like another 30 seconds because once they're gone, they're gone and I hope everybody has a fantastic Wednesday.
Speaker 4:Thank you. Thank you too. Bye, fantastic Wednesday.
Speaker 5:Thank you, you too Bye-bye. Thank y'all.
Speaker 3:I love the hearts. Thanks for coming. Thanks for coming.