Are you feeling burned out as a counselor with the holiday season in full swing? We get it. It's time to prioritize your well-being with some essential self-care advice. Join me, Dr. Kate Walker, and let's navigate the festive hustle while keeping your mental health in check. From simple steps like hiding your phone for quality family time, to controlling your alcohol intake during festive gatherings, we've got you covered.
But we're not stopping there. Discover Melanie O'Reilly Rogers' 21-day self-care challenge, a tool-kit crafted to help you express your needs and set effective boundaries. Have you ever wondered about the dynamics and roles of your family during holiday gatherings? Jimmy on Relationships has some enlightening insights. And don't miss out on the chance to sign up for a free webinar with Christina Deluna this January, offering updates for 2024. Remember, you are key to this world, counselor. Your well-being comes first. So tune in, learn, and take that much-needed break. You're too important to lose to burnout.
Get your step by step guide to private practice. Because you are too important to lose to not knowing the rules, going broke, burning out, and giving up. #counselorsdontquit.
Are you feeling burned out as a counselor with the holiday season in full swing? We get it. It's time to prioritize your well-being with some essential self-care advice. Join me, Dr. Kate Walker, and let's navigate the festive hustle while keeping your mental health in check. From simple steps like hiding your phone for quality family time, to controlling your alcohol intake during festive gatherings, we've got you covered.
But we're not stopping there. Discover Melanie O'Reilly Rogers' 21-day self-care challenge, a tool-kit crafted to help you express your needs and set effective boundaries. Have you ever wondered about the dynamics and roles of your family during holiday gatherings? Jimmy on Relationships has some enlightening insights. And don't miss out on the chance to sign up for a free webinar with Christina Deluna this January, offering updates for 2024. Remember, you are key to this world, counselor. Your well-being comes first. So tune in, learn, and take that much-needed break. You're too important to lose to burnout.
Get your step by step guide to private practice. Because you are too important to lose to not knowing the rules, going broke, burning out, and giving up. #counselorsdontquit.
you don't need anyone's permission to self-care. Remember, you're a counselor. You're getting this all day long. You're like a sponge walking into a room full of water. So if you're waiting for permission, I guess this is it. I can give you permission, but you don't need it. This is the Texas Counselors creating Badass Businesses podcast with Dr Kate Walker, where I teach you Texans and non-Texans alike the latest research-based information to hit your income goals, stay out of trouble and make a bigger impact in your community. Join me and let's fill the gaps in access to mental health care and create a counseling career you'll love. Let's get to work.
Speaker 2:MUSIC. Welcome to Texas. Counselors creating Badass Businesses where it's all about working smarter, not harder. And here's your host, dr Kate Walker. It's like the cozy cold day rather than a hot one.
Speaker 1:Welcome to episode 61 of Texas Counselors creating Badass Businesses. And it is the season for all the holidays and, counselor, you deserve a break. This isn't just another self-care episode, I promise you. I want you to listen all the way to the end, because I have specific tools, specific strategies. Some of them may seem a little silly, but you know what. You're too important to lose because you're the only one in your family who wasn't able to recharge, to unplug, to get a break. You're too important to lose, to burnout, counselor. So I don't know, let's get to work or let's get to rest MUSIC.
Speaker 1:Hey everybody, welcome to your Tuesday training, and today is a really important topic. Today I'm going to talk about no, okay, and it's a special. No, this is a special holiday. No, and I'm going to give you examples so that when you leave this training today, you will have an idea. Even if you're listening to me on a podcast episode and you're driving in the car and I'm doing something on screen share, I'm going to make sure you can still hear what's going on or you know what I'll do. I will describe it to you because I do have some specific examples for you from Instagram, because when you leave this. I want you to have some resources this week.
Speaker 1:So at the time of this recording, we are two days from Thanksgiving. So who knows when you'll be listening to this? Right? You could be listening to this and it's in the middle of summer and you're like wait, what is she talking about? File it away, because you're going to need it later.
Speaker 1:Now, this is going to be kind of quick today too, because, since it is two days before Thanksgiving, I know many, many of you are kind of pulling your hair out because you're running your business, you're trying to do all the things, the kids are home and perhaps you're getting ready to cook. I'm not. I've got a turkey defrosting that's already cooked. Thank you, popeyes. So I gave that up.
Speaker 1:But that's one of the things I'm going to talk about today the different ways that you can get through this holiday season, because it's different when you're a business owner. I'll even go a step further. It's different when you're a counselor. Remember, as a counselor, you are a sponge. You're absorbing all of the emotions in the room. That's your job. It's hard to kind of turn the volume down when you're with your family and turn it back up when you're on the job, on the job. You're supposed to be in touch with your feelings, not blocking them out, and a lot of counselors are HSPs highly sensitive people and so when you enter a room it's like right up on you. So this time of year can be hard for everybody, but especially for counselors.
Speaker 1:So I'm talking to you badasses, those of you who own your own practice, work in an agency. You're in a school setting, whatever setting you're in, if you're a grad student and you're studying about how to become a counselor, or you're in your internship or you've got your associate license, you're doing the thing. So it's time to learn how to and I know a lot of people hate this term self-care. So I talk about achieving balance. I want you to achieve balance and I hear all the time oh, a balance is unattainable. Baloney, you can achieve balance. It's about your autonomic nervous system, the parasympathetic, the autonomic nervous system, all of the things that they talk about in the book. The body keeps the score, your fight or flight, all of those things that are ingrained and embedded in us right.
Speaker 1:So let's get to it. Number one tip hide your phone. I'm not even kidding you. Hide your phone when you are with people, be wisdom, and when it's time for bed, put your phone away. I know this sounds like I'm your mom and I'm telling you what to do.
Speaker 1:Your phone is one of those things that causes you to switch topics. Right, you're switching, you're listening, you're going back to your phone, you're switching. You get a text, you're back, you're trying to engage. That's exhausting, I get it. If you're with people you don't like and you don't know very well and you want to kind of get on your phone and hide in a corner, you do, you.
Speaker 1:What I'm talking about is for you. Hsps, or introvert extroverts, are those folks who are just kind of uncomfortable in big crowds and situations. That constant buzz going off in your pocket is going to draw energy. It's going to take energy away from you and your ability to stay engaged, your ability to feel good. So put the phone away and then at night and I am talking to myself here grab a book, put the phone away During the holidays.
Speaker 1:Your sleep is your savior. I mean, we know it with brain research, we know it with research with cognition. You got to protect your sleep and so those are just two easy things. I know I just said hide your phone, like that's one thing. But I say, wait, did you see what I did there? Right, I dovetailed that together with sleep. So we're putting those two things together. Number three you're going to love this one Set a timer. I know I said to hide your phone but you didn't listen to me. So you're at the party, you've got your phone in your pocket. You're a member back in the day when people were doing all of the online dating. I don't do that anymore. So a rescue text still a thing, right, when you like. Okay, 10 minutes into this date, I want you to text me. If the date's going well, I'll ignore you. If it's doing terribly, then I will say oh my gosh, I got to go.
Speaker 1:I have a text, set a rescue text for yourself. So I know, for me 20 minutes is kind of my max. With people Now that's on me engaged, talking, hugging, shaking hands, asking questions. 20 minutes I get a little crispy fried. I can stretch that into like a therapeutic hour 55 minutes, maybe 60. But at that point I'm going to get grumpy and not to mention the hot flashes are going to be cooking me from the inside out.
Speaker 1:So setting a timer as your own rescue text, right, your phone goes off. You look at it. You're like, oh, hang on, just a second, I got to take this. You go outside, you go to another room, you go to the bathroom, go someplace where you can get a break from the stimuli, okay. So setting yourself a rescue timer isn't rude itself, care, it's just you saying, oh, I'm going to go and I'm going to do my break and I'm going to do my mindfulness, my breathing. I'm going to read a little chapter out of myself help book. I'm going to take a little walk around the block, get a glass of water, whatever it is. You need to do that rescue text Because, like I said, I know you didn't listen to me about leaving your phone or hiding it or whatever. That's important. All right. So you've got your rescue text.
Speaker 1:Now I'm going to talk about substances for a second, because I know alcohol lones pretty freely during the holidays, so if I sound like a mama, then take it for what it is. I'm also proud Allen on, and so I really feel strongly about this, not only from a family dynamic standpoint, but also from your body and your health and your healing. Go easy on the alcohol, right, do what you've got to do. Put an extra ice cube in that drink. Put a little extra tempo chico in there. Do something so that you're pacing yourself, because I'll go back to what I said a little bit ago.
Speaker 1:Your sleep, all right, alcohol affects sleep patterns and of course it's a social lubricant. It helps in the moment, right. But there are other things and you do. You I don't judge, I promise. So whatever you got to do, whether it's an herbal remedy or you step outside and you're able to meditate in the family garden somebody's at my door, probably UPS, no, it's probably Amazon, I'll go check in a minute but you deciding to take a break and meditate, hold off on the alcohol or just water it down a little bit. That's going to help you during the social part, but also later on when you're protecting your sleep. All right, did you see what I did just then? I didn't get up and answer the door. Right, I'm ignoring it. That's called a boundary. Now it's a way of saying no, but a lot of us don't have the words. So this is what I was kind of excited about.
Speaker 1:I found a couple of resources on Instagram. Now one of them I have introduced to my groups before. She is Melanie O'Reilly Rogers, and her Instagram handle is mostly under control and I'm going to show you her in a second, but her tagline is self-care advocate for the modern mom. Now, I know that I'm not just talking to moms here, I'm talking to all kinds of folks, but some of us don't have the words beyond therapy. Like, we know the word boundary Yay, go us. But do we know the words that give us permission to take a break? Set a rescue text. So if you're listening to me on the podcast, I'm just scrolling through her Instagram and I don't know who needs to hear this, but me time should be done every single day.
Speaker 1:I loved this video. There's no sound, she said. This is not a video of me making snack. While talking to my kids, they were screaming at me about one thing or another. I was regulating myself before I could help them regulate themselves. So she talks about this idea of being in it, right? So, whether that's a crowd or kids or whatever, it is being in it. And then the importance of being able to self-regulate. And you can't do it in the moment unless you've done the work ahead of time, which is what we're talking about achieving balance, right? Two things here. We're talking about doing it outside of the holiday dinner room I think what do they call that? A dining room? Right Outside of that room, you're protecting your sleep, you're putting your phone away Inside the room, you're going to go easy on alcohol, you're going to send yourself the rescue text.
Speaker 1:But following people like Melanie taking her 21 day self-care challenge, really understanding what it means to self-care right, then you can start to have the words to be able to take the time you need right. It's not about permission. This is not about well, they don't let me self-care. Well, what am I supposed to do? Well, uncle Jack had me trapped in a corner and I couldn't get away. No, no, no, no. You don't need anyone's permission to self-care. Remember, you're a counselor. You're getting this all day long. You're like a sponge walking into a room full of water. So if you're waiting for permission, I guess this is it. I can give you permission, but you don't need it. All right, the next thing I'm going to show you and you can push back on me if you know something else about this site.
Speaker 1:But this person it's called Jimmy on Relationships and he puts the words on things that often our clients don't have the words for. So, for example, I have this exercise that I do with my students when we're learning about family systems, rules and roles, and my example is always okay at a big family dinner well, like Thanksgiving who does the dishes? Who gets to go watch football? Who just sits and allows plates to be taken away? Who takes the plates away? What is their gender, what is their age? What role do they have in the family as a whole? Right, so you start to learn in my family class anyway how roles and rules are unwritten, but they are so strong and they're so hard to break. And so if you're in a family and you are expected to do certain things and you just don't have the words to be able to tell and communicate with someone why you won't be doing that this Thanksgiving or holiday season. Sites like this can help, so I'm going to cue it up with sound so you can hear.
Speaker 3:How she's still not grateful. Well, it could be a number of different things. I think we need the clipboard, very finding clipboard. First question are the dishes and loading and unloading the dishwasher and sweeping the floor and preparing meals for the family? Are those mutual chores? What does that have to do with it? Well, unless you've collectively decided that those are all her chores, then when you do them occasionally, you're not actually Helping her. How so? Because when you say you're helping her or you did a chore for her, it incorrectly assumes that it's all her Responsibility. So you contributing at all is going above and beyond right Question do you thank her every time she does a mutual chore?
Speaker 3:No, then why do you expect to thank you when you do one? Well, it would just be nice if she was grateful for the effort I was putting in. Do you think it's possible that she might feel the same way about the effort she's putting in? I don't know. I think it's really important that we're both grateful and appreciative towards each other, but we have to be very careful, because so often women are taught that, regardless of whether they work or not, the entire Household is their responsibility. I mean, if both of you stopped doing the mutual chores and the house was a mess and your family came over. Who would they blame that it's messy? Probably her. Yeah, because it's her job, isn't it? She's the project manager and the project executor. The reason she might not be expressing gratitude is because she feels slightly insulted that you Want to thank you for doing a mutual chore that you don't even think her for doing the lion's share of. Can you see how maybe that would feel Unappreciative or neglectful? Stupid clipboard.
Speaker 1:All right. If you needed some words to give yourself permission to talk to others about how you will be doing things a little differently this holiday season, I hope you'll consider other resources, right? I like Instagram. It's fun, it's silly, it's not clinical, but finding the words can really help when it comes time. I think you're gonna communicate, or maybe you're communicating with someone who you know will listen, and so you just have this Conversation with yourself. Like I said, holiday nose or special nose, right? Sometimes it's just your inside voice and saying you know what? I can't do this to yourself. Right, you're not announcing it. You're not trying to change an entire family dynamic. You're just taking care of you, but not at the expense of others. Right, you're still a teen player and you're still there to be part of the family. But just know, when you're, enough is enough has been hit. When you're full up to here, line has been hit. All right, guys, that's our short one today. I hope you guys are all just kind of relaxing before the big day. We will be talking like this throughout the holiday season. Remember, counselors, this is your job. You make a living at empathizing with everyone, so you need self-care times a million during the holiday season. So take advantage of these tips, even the one to hide your phone, and Take care of yourself. You're too important to lose, to burning out over the holidays. All right, guys, have a wonderful day.
Speaker 1:I'm dr Kate Walker. All right, I want to make sure that you know how to sign up for that webinar in January with Christina Deluna, because I know you want to make sure that you have all of the updates for 2024. And it's so easy to do just go to KateWalkertrainingcom. Forward slash free webinar and grab your free ticket and share it with a friend. It's free and you get one CE. So if you're looking for continuing education, that's super cheap. You can't do better than free, right.
Speaker 2:So grab your ticket today I'm dr Kate Walker. Thank you so much for listening to Texas counselors creating badass businesses. Thank you to Ridgely Walker for her lovely voiceovers at our introduction and do me a favor when you get a second please like, share and subscribe and write us a review. That's really how we get picked up by other RSS feeds and we get this information out to the mental health Badassists who need it. Thanks again, and keep saving the world with excellent therapy. You.